Assisted Suicide for the Terminally Ill

Suicide isn't for everybody.


Suicide also is not illegal. However, in many places a person who is found to have attempted will be kept overnight and given treatment (usually medication) and intervention to prevent future attempts. In many places it is legal to prescribe lethal medicine, but it is illegal to administer it directly to the patient (the laws are foggy and on a case-by-case basis). The only place where assisted suicide is legal in the United States is Oregon.


Assisted suicide, as by definition, is someone helping somebody else to end their life. In the modern age this is done for the terminally ill or chronically in pain by a medical practioner administering lethal medication-sipped, popped or injected into a patient, like pathologist Dr. Kevorkian did for a decade (1990-1998).

Dr. Kevorkian (1928-2011) is the modern American symbol of assisted suicide and has brought to light controversial medical ethics, challenging the law with his free services, demanding that medical professionals accept their responsibility of "assisting their patients with death", and spurring the growth of hospice care. Through multiple trials and much publicity, his one-man campaign ended when he submitted a video which showed him injecting lethal chemicals into a patient rather than using his mechanism which allowed the patient to press a button. He was incarcerated for second-degree murder. While his work was both praised and abhorred, his impact was left on the medical and legal American world, as well as intellectual debate and even psychology class discussions.

Dr. Kevorkian 1996

When any assisted suicide topic is first brought up, the general public's first reaction is to think that allowing access to such an easy way out in our society will cause an upsurge in the suicide of depressed teenagers and the out-of-luck middle aged. Some think that in general suicide is an ethical issue because no one should be impatient to end their life, "Things could get better". Utilitarians think someone should never waste their talents, or their healthy body, or their brilliant mind. The religious extremist think that no one should destroy God's favorite creation, except God himself.

Giving someone the right resources to recover from tough times makes for a valid argument against suicide, however most suicides are only seriously considered under serious medical situations. Think for example being bed-ridden with brain cancer, or paralysis, or comatose, or any other terminal illness or chronic pain. Add a ripe old age and failing organs, dementia and pain, although you might relieve some symptoms, after the Five Stages of Death are through the patient has accepted death as a part of life. many patients and their families would rather not emotionally or financially suffer through the remaining years, months, weeks, or even days. Some treatments, such as life support, breathing aids, feeding tubes, cardiac pacemakers etc., can be refused, but under current laws a patient cannot ask to be killed.


Is this ethical? When a person who suffers through psychological distress (including chronically suicidal folk), we give them the resources and support they need to cope and overcome their situation, to redirect them away from violent pain. However, the terminally ill are denied the resources to overcome their illness, the only way they can, even if they are willing to do so of their own accord. Is this ethical to give life treatment to living individuals but deny death treatment to dying individuals? Is prolonging pain ethical, or cruelty?

For many people the answer is, yes, without this choice it is unethical. Compassion & Choice (formerly Hemlock and related organizations) is one such non-religious, non-profit group of people. They provide hospice-type resources, like client support, such as resources and information for pain and symptom treatment, and they provide professional education, such as training programs for professionals and media for the public. Their most impactful work is advocacy. They are hospice-advocates for better "national standards for end-of-life care," and fight against bills "that force invasive treatment." They are a proponent of assisted suicide as well, when the treatment is appropriate

When is it appropriate? When:


"Too many suffer needlessly."


Emotionally and financially, a terminal illness takes tolls on the patient and the family. When a terminally ill patient is ready to die, after pursuing satisfying end-of-life activities and ideas and coming to terms with death, the remaining time of their life can be spent in extreme anxiety, or extreme pain, or extreme discomfort, by the whole family, while money is spent to relieve these symptoms. A terminal cancer patient endures the violent effects of chemo therapy and treatment for its symptoms. While she has accepted that she will die, the comfort of having the option to opt-out at any time gives her the freedom to live her life to the fullest.


"Too many endure unrelenting pain."


When a person experiences pain every day of their life, it becomes difficult to want to maintain their daily health and well-being. They become desperate for relieve and destitute when symptoms prevail-their whole family does. When a lung cancer patient's severe pain caused her to be bed-ridden, the ability to take lethal medicine gave relief to her and her whole family as she passed away in their presence after a 15 day grace period.

"Too many turn to violent means at the end of life."


Without proper support or care for a dying person, they can take drastic measure to end their misery. Aside from violent attempts at suicide that we all hear about, even a dying person with lots of support, without assisted suicide, will take drastic measures. While there was no life support treatment to unplug, one paralyzed patient starved himself to death because he was incapable of taking medicine himself, and his daughter was not allowed to administer the medicine.


There will always be people who think painfully of death, and others who think peacefully of it. There are the people who will never accept that a person commits suicide, and there will be others who are grateful of their passing. More importantly, there will always be people who think ethically of suicide and others who will think unethically of assisted suicide. To criminalize assisted suicide does not mean less suicide, it means more pain, for the terminally ill, the chronically painful, the suicidally distressed, and everyone who wants to help them get better. After a rigorous therapy process and tens of doctors, 40% of lethal prescriptions in Oregon go unused-why? Because people feel better and enjoy life knowing they have options.

The Asexual Community

Sex. Sex on TV. Sex on your computer. Sex in movies, in books, in magazines. Sex in your bed. Sex in your house, in your neighbor's house. Sexual dysfunction. Did I get your attention? Sex in the hospital, sex in pill bottles, sex on late night programs, in stores, on the streets. No sex. Sex in the city, in the bars, sex for years, sex for one night.

Sex is everywhere. We all do it. We are sexual creatures, after all.

Well, not all of us.

Some of us are bored by sex. How could anyone be bored of sex? Well, some people just are. 

Some of us think about sex but never want to actually do it. How could anyone NOT want to? Well some people just don't.

Some people desire and have sex, commonly referred to as 'sexuals'. Some do not have sexual attraction at all, called 'asexuals'. Some do find sex interesting, in books and movies and the media, but they would never actually have sex. Some do have sex, for physical pleasure alone, called 'aromantic'. There are also some who do have sexual desire, but it takes so long for them to develop their sexual feelings, called 'demisexuals', or they only desire it on a rare occasion, or they desire it only with certain people, or under certain circumstances, called 'gray-A'.


"The Avenites"

There exists a community which has formed to help give answers to these questions of sexuality. They refer to themselves as AVEN[ites] (Asexual Visibility and Education Network), which is a collection of asexual awareness advocates who accept and who promote sexual exploration and respect of a variety of orientations, from the sexual to the asexual, and every dimension in between. 

The online forum, commonly referred to as the Asexual Community, is full of curious creatures who explore sexuality, both their own orientation(s) and behavior(s), and who are a lot more knowledgeable and helpful about sex and relationships that you might think. The Asexual Community is very intellectual and empathetic, encouraging of a wide vocabulary of exploratory orientation terms. They question and challenge one another about their true sexual feelings (or lack thereof) with open dialogue and understanding, and cake.


First off, let's explain a few things.


"An asexual is an individual who does not have sexual attraction."

It has nothing to do with whether or not they HAVE sex, but whether or not they DESIRE sex.

It is commonly explained as follows. A Sexual person has this 'itch' that needs to be scratched, called sexual desire; they get sexually aroused and usually engage in some act that reliefs them of their 'itch'. An asexual person does not get this 'itch'.

There are some 'asexual elitists' who think that anyone who has had sex before, or later on, can never be an asexual, but that simply is not true. You can relate it to how there are gay men who have experimented with women, until they later realized that they never actually desired to have sex with those women.

++As a side note, asexuals often joke about being more interested in cake than sex. You will see lots of cake icons in supportive comments, often to the original poster.++


"An asexual can still have sexual feelings, physical sexual pleasure, and even have sex and still be an asexual."

This is tricky because libido, pleasure, and sex is often confused with sexual desire. There are many situations which can prove otherwise, however. 

An asexual can think about sex, just like a straight woman can imagine having sex with another woman... but that doesn't mean that they want to.

An asexual can still enjoy being touched sexually, just like a woman can get aroused by riding a horse... but that doesn't mean that they want to.

An asexual can have sex with a sexual partner, just like a straight man can kiss another man during truth or dare... but that doesn't mean they want to.

You see what I'm getting at? Being asexual is mental. It has nothing to do with biology or behavior.

Now, let's define a few terms.

"There is more than one kind of asexual."

In general, here are the most common orientation terms.

Asexual: without sexual desire.
Aromantic: without romantic desire.
Demisexual/Demiromantic: with time comes sexual/romantic desire.
Gray-A: under certain circumstances, does desire occur (an umbrella term for the rest of the spectrum).

All the sexual terms (the list goes on and on) are used by both questioning parties and pure asexual/sexual parties, mostly on themselves but also encouraged to be used on others, and by anyone whom thinks it 'makes sense to do so', according to the AVEN wiki.



You would think that not desiring sex causes a lot of problems in a relationship, and you're right.

"The Sex-Less Relationship"

One of the most controversial and important topics had to do with relationships. Commonly, people come onto the forum because they are interested in learning more about asexuality, how to come out, how to behave in a relationship, and sometimes to ask about other people's experiences. More commonly, people come onto the forum to ask for help about their sex-less relationship. Many sexuals can't imagine having a relationship without sex. It makes sense because the media is saturated with sex, and any relationship without it is looked at with a skeptical eye. 

It is typical for hetero marriages to be expected to think about children at some point, which starts with sex. While homo relationships are not expected to have sex as readily, the partners in any relationship are often called 'lovers', which is commonly synonymous with 'sexual'. In some relationships it is very obvious that it revolves around sex, but it gets very tricky when expectations of sex are not met.

Because sexuals are the minority within the AVEN forums, they are celebrated to speak up about their frustrations with an asexual partner.

Most of the posts about a sexual/asexual relationship are outlined the same:

• everything was great until...
• the lack of sex becomes obvious
• the sexual partner gets frustrated
• the asexual partner feels guilty
• ...mercy sex...
• and then a miracle happens!

The magical word 'asexual' finds its way into a web search and the partners find relief by finding out asexuality is a real thing! And that it should be accepted and respected!

Now, most Sexuals are thinking... what do they do instead of sex? From the Asexual Community, there is plenty to do! Without the pressures of a perfect sex life, a whole new set of activities are available. Going out, staying in, activities and conversations of all sorts, friends, family, hobbies and interests, work, school, and play time, and most importantly, all the fascinating times spent together, learning about one another and spending time, energy, and affection on each other.

While in some asexual/sexual relationships the sexual partner replaces their sexual activities with platonic ones, some asexuals will compromise as well. Sometimes the asexual will have a little bit of sex on occasion. Some advice given to these compromises to is make it fun! Use toys or turn on a movie, play naked tag, or naked tickle fights, naked wrestling, or any other games, but naked, have an intellectual conversation, or a silly one, and always have awesome cuddles at the end.

The most important thing that asexuals bring to a relationship, however, is the separation of LOVE from SEX. You can still be intimate without intercourse.

I personally have a fond appreciation for the asexual community. They question sex in as many ways as possible, often helping each other work towards a happy life and happier relationships through communication and acceptance. Within the community and without, they encourage one another to freely express themselves, and offer an open ear, often with clever advice, and cake too. 

~abnor

You can discuss sexuality and find more information about asexuality @ asexuality.org
You can also expand your vocabulary and explore with the AVEN Wiki @ asexuality.org/wiki