Next week I am going to try taking medication only once a day, meaning one pill total, to use up the effects for the 4-6 hours and then that's it. This way I should be able to accomplish what I want for the day in addition to not suppressing my appetite and making my body crumble and feel terrible and ache and feel heavy because I am not well nourished. Also I should be able to get it out of my system in time for bed so that I am not messing up my sleep routine (not that I have a very good one right now).
Dang, I got distracted just now for a good solid 10 minutes. I better go ahead and take this medication before it's too late! I am taking one whole pill instead of a half pill now. We will see how that changes things, if at all.
So, to better explain how ADHD affects me, and how this medication should be affecting me, I found this video online. I couldn't figure out how to rip it and upload it to this page so please visit the link :]
ADHD medication affects me differently than five hour energy or energy drinks or caffeine or chocolate or coffee. Amphetamines, while they are stimulants, they isolate some activity in my brain to allow me to think and concentrate. Other energy boosting methods just make my ADHD worse and more scattered and hyperactive and obnoxious.
On ADHD medication I still forget things. I guess I am so used to my brain trying to steer in every direction that my brain tries to do that while on medication. It is very disorienting and inefficient and so I should probably try hard to stop pulling in every which direction. (Although, allowing my brain to tug in so many directions helps me to be creative and explore new things, uninhibited. But when I am on meds I am not as creative, so it's just disorienting to attempt to pull myself every which way.)
I noticed too that I haven't had a full manic or depressive episode yet. While my moods are still there, they are very minimal and do not really affect me. I wonder if it is related to my medication at all. If it is that would be a very good reason to continue taking medication. I do know when I don't eat or exercise properly my moods are much more dynamic and strong, so I try to take care of myself to prevent myself from spiraling out of control.
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I noticed that my schedule has been very regular. 1pm-3am waking periods. I am okay with this for now. But soon enough I am going to need to be up before that. Usually I don't mind the struggle of changing, but I am curious if it will be harder to adapt on medication. I kind if like the two segments I have out myself into as well, the first four hours of medication being super busy and the second four just studying and doing something different. Granted, once I start working again I will have to be on a schedule, but I should adopt this two-part work into my routine. Also I hate routine but if I am doing something stimulating where I am constantly learning new things, or if I feel in control of my time it feels less like routine.
Today my brain was a little more scrambled than usual. I made some phone calls and spoke with my family, which is always an emotional affair for me. It really threw me off although I did succeed to apply for some jobs or ask for employment. I distracted myself a lot with a game though. I recognize that I am feeling things when try to bury myself in media.
I failed to study for the third day in a row. I still have the study guide for the FSOT in front of me but failed to open it up. I will try harder during my next round of being at home all day. This is why I don't like routine, because if I set up something strict and fail to follow through then I get really upset at myself and begin to feel hopeless. I have a good excuse as to why I was distracted, and I can tell you that no amount of concentration medication will take away your own personal faults or situations or intense emotions. It will only help you to focus better, when only your own brain is the reason you fail to concentrate.
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