Drug Trip: Amphetamines Day 03

See Drug Trip Introduction to learn more about my medically-induced journey of self-discovery.

I woke up at 1pm again today. Actually I woke up at 8am but decided I should just sleep more. My body feels tired and heavy. Usually I sleep a lot, like 9-10 hours a night. I like to think it's because of my activity level and metabolism. Supposedly really smart people in history didn't sleep much at all. I know some people with thyroid issues don't sleep much either, but that's for a different reason. I know too many people with emotional disorders who sleep a lot. I wonder if any of my disorders are related to my sleep...

I have a phone interview today for a remote job. I'm really excited because it's like 20-25 hours a week doing computer stuff from home! That's like such an idyllic job. I'm going to have to start exercising and really taking care of myself if I'm going to be happy and healthy. I know I get anxious if I don't exercise enough regularly. That's why biking is such a good transportation method for me. I live in the city so it's cost and time efficient to get around on bike, plus it forces me to exercise, which forces me to eat right, and ultimately forces me to be healthy. Best transportation method ever in my honest opinion.

Gah, it's 3pm now and I still haven't taken my meds. My heart has slowed down a bit and I don't really like it when it's speeding all the time. But, well, I'll still take my meds... for science!

~~~

Today I succeeded to study again for the second day in a row (yay), help run a show without error, and have had sex. The sex was fun, I felt my emotions were surpressed but for the scene that played out it worked well in my favor. I was more concentrated on what I was doing each if these situations and that is exactly what I wanted.

After sex we talked about our emotions about other relationships and reflecting now I feel confident that I was able to articulate how I felt quite well. I am convinced by now that this is all amphtamines are good for: an adequate performance. I don't like taking meds, I don't feel like I have to take them, I don't like feeling emotionally or creatively supressed, I don't like feeling bored within my own mind, I don't like having no appetite, I don't even like the concept of taking meds, or being chemically dependent on anything. 

I still don't have an appetite however. My brother suggested I eat before I take them, wait an hour, if I am still hungry eat some more, then take them. Right now I am coming off of them and I am absolutely starving. Hopefully I can down this before I fall asleep.

So, I felt a little less concentrated today than I was days previous, so I am thinking I will need to up my dosage to stay on track with this regime for the next week and a half. It's concerning to me how easily my body metabolizes this stuff yet quickly becomes tolerant to it and requires me to take a higher concentration of the stuff. It's scary how easily your body becomes chemically dependent on something.